Victoria Helen Stone

bestselling author of emotional suspense

Victoria Helen Stone’s Blog

HALF PAST is out now!

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Half Past is now available in Kindle, print, or audiobook!

“A captivating, suspenseful tale of love and lies, mystery and self-discovery, Half Past kept me flipping the pages through the final, startling twist.” —A. J. Banner, #1 Amazon and USA Today bestselling author of The Good Neighbor and The Twilight Wife

HALF PAST-smallHannah has always felt like a stranger in her own home. She’s about to find out why.
At forty-five, Hannah Smith is at a crossroads. That’s her spin on it. The reality is she’s divorced, jobless, and moving back to her family home in Iowa to keep an eye on her mother, who’s slipping into dementia.

Her return stirs up the same unnerving sense of disconnect Hannah has felt since childhood—always the odd girl out, the loner outshone by her two older sisters. Hannah knew the feelings of hurt would come back. But she never expected fear. Because when her mother looks into her eyes and whispers, “You’re not my daughter,” Hannah is beginning to believe it’s not just the rambling of a confused woman.

It’s the truth.

Now Hannah’s following the trail of a family mystery to the dark coast of Big Sur, where years ago a lie was born—and buried. As frightened as she is to unearth it, Hannah knows this is the last chance she has before her past—and all its terrible secrets—are lost forever.

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Heading to Higher Ground

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I’ve talked a little about turning forty (Coming of Age) and learning to face my fears (Cutting a New Path). Most of those fears were intangible: fear of public speaking, fear of failure, fear of the unknown. But one fear was pure animal instinct: don’t put your life at risk!

I always thought I was afraid of heights. But then I met people with a genuine phobia, unable to even stand next to a high window, and I realized what I really had was a healthy respect for heights. I could function, I was just a little wary.

When I started plotting a book called Taking the Heat, I wanted my librarian hero to have an outdoorsy hobby and I chose rock climbing. I started researching rock climbing terms and practices, just as I would any activity or profession I was unfamiliar with. Then I looked up from my computer and out  my window and realized, “Hey, I live in the mountains. People travel here to go rock climbing. I could just DO IT.”

My view of Storm Mountain from the side of a cliff.
My view of Storm Mountain from the side of a cliff.

Now, I’m no athlete. (Please see my jogging story in Coming of Age.) And I have no upper body strength. My arms get tired just drying my hair sometimes. But I was high on newfound confidence and general badassery, so I planned for about a month, made an appointment with an expert guide, and started doing a few strength exercises for my upper body.

When the big day arrived, I thought my guide would take me up about twenty feet, so I could learn the process and equipment well enough to write it. I was wrong. The picture to the right was our first stop on the climb. I was resting on a two-foot ledge. The bushes you see below are actually full-grown cottonwood trees. I can’t repeat the caption that originally accompanied this picture, but be assured there was an F-bomb included.

My view looking up at my guide.
My view looking up at my guide.

At this point in the climb, I was regretting everything and vowing to never be brave again in my life. The first thirty feet were not bad. I was concentrating so hard on each foothold and just staring at the rock right in front of my face. But when we cleared the trees, it got real. This was not a rock wall in a gym. This was life and death and violently shaking muscles.

Just after this resting point, we got to an area of smooth rock (click on this pic for a larger view). My guide waited patiently, telling me I would figure out the way to work around it. He called down instructions and told me to take as much time as I needed. I think I just held on and quietly panicked for about fifteen minutes before my mind cleared enough to help me through it. I vividly remember the exact same feeling I get when I near the top of a hill on a roller coaster. Why did I do this, I don’t want to be here, I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE!

Me on the side of a mountain, trying to figure out how to get out of this situation.
Trying to get out of this situation.

At some point I decided I either had to climb up or live there forever, and I eased over to the side of this smooth face and found a few cracks I could grasp.

My guide did not explain until later that he could lower me down at any point if I froze up. But I didn’t freeze up. “You seemed like a natural,” he said. I was not a natural. But I finished the climb.

We climbed a little over one hundred feet. I finished it. I was so happy to get to the top and be done that I willingly leaned my body over the side of that cliff and let it fall, just so I could get back down to solid ground. This last pic captures my overwhelming joy to be rappelling down to safety.

Rappelling down!
Rappelling down!

And it was joy. Pure joy and relief and pride.

Once the adrenaline wore off, I felt like I’d been in a car accident. I was shaking and bruised, my legs were beat to hell by sharp rocks, but I have never been more proud of anything in my life. I did it. I really effing did it.

My first stop on the way home was to buy a bottle of vodka. My second stop was for an ice cream cone. Both were absolutely necessary.

You can see the results of my research in the rock climbing scenes in Taking the Heat. But you can also see the results of this research in Evelyn, After and Half Past. During this climb, I realized I was strong. I learned I could be resilient in the face of true fear. And that knowledge helped me take on a new writing challenge in a new genre as Victoria Helen Stone.

It was a transformative, amazing day. And no, I have never, ever climbed up the side of a mountain again.

Cutting a New Path

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So after writing nearly thirty romances, why did I want to write something different? Well, I didn’t. I never even thought about it.

But then a former editor asked me to write something for her. Something that wasn’t romance, because she wasn’t publishing romance. She’d asked me before and I’d said no. I said no again. But this time we were sitting at a table together and she pressed the issue. I squirmed. I told her I didn’t have any ideas for something like that. She insisted I did.

BookExpoSigning2011Small I kept saying no. But by the time I walked away, I was turning the possibility around in my head. What subject would fascinate me enough to keep my interest for 6-12 months? That’s the thing about writing a book. I read lots of different genres. I love horror, romance, historical fiction, narrative non-fiction, thrillers, suspense. But spending a few days reading a book is not the same as spending months writing one story. You have to really want that book. You have to feel it in your bones. I didn’t think I had the bones for anything except romance, but now I was wondering. Now I was plotting.
I knew any story I’d dedicate myself to would have to be female driven. I knew it would have to be dark and complicated. And I knew it would still include sex, if not romance, because that drive is part of any deep dive into someone’s character. (I often say horror & romance are two sides of the same coin: our basic, primal urge to live.)

After brainstorming for a few days, I told my agent I maybe, possibly MIGHT have an idea. She contacted my former editor. The idea wasn’t quite right. I brainstormed again. And this time, the idea caught. We went back and forth a few times. Tweaked some details. And then my editor made an offer for a book unlike anything I’d written before.

And I was terrified. In fact, my editor made a two-book offer and I wanted to negotiate down to one. What if I only had this one idea inside me? This is not how negotiations work. My agent told me to woman up.

So I signed the contract. And I wrote the book. I did it! I wrote Evelyn, After! And once I told my fear to sod off, I had a great time with this story. The best time I’d had in years. I got to write a protagonist who did truly bad things. I got to write a romance that didn’t work out. I got to write the depths of heartbreak and recovery. I loved it. And before I was done, I had an idea for another book. I HAD ANOTHER IDEA!

That second idea was Half Past. It comes out September 19th. Any my third idea is called Jane Doe and comes out next May. (My third idea!) Right now I’m trying to brainstorm a fourth book and facing a tiny little fear that I won’t think of anything. But I know I will. That doubt is just a fading memory of what it used to be.

When I was nearing forty, I started facing my fears and trying new things. At forty-five, I’ve realized that staying afraid takes way too much energy. More energy than I have these days. I haven’t walked away from romance but I am relishing trying something new and terrifying. It’s exciting and I’m enjoying the hell out of it. In fact, maybe it’s another of those primal urges to live.

Next up: That time I tried rock climbing.

Coming of Age

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I turned forty a few years ago, and as I neared the big date, I decided it was time to face old fears by trying new things. Up until then, I’d surrounded myself with coziness and rejected discomfort. But it was time to spread my wings.

First, I tried running. I’ve never been a runner and I absolutely don’t have the body type for it, but I live in the mountains surrounded by gorgeous trails, so I decided to be brave and try it.

Here I am on the trail far too late, listening to coyotes howl. Too close!
Here I am on the trail far too late, listening to coyotes howl. Too close!

I failed miserably. I don’t know if you know this, but there’s no oxygen in the mountains. I mean, there’s probably a little bit, but it’s hard to come by. I couldn’t run more than a quarter mile and I felt awful for a whole day afterward, tired and coughing. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t do something that so many people do.

At some point, I realized my physical reactions to running were symptoms of asthma. I went to the doctor, got an inhaler, and a whole new world opened up to me. I would get out of breath, but when I slowed to a walk, I could actually recover and catch my breath! This was a brand new sensation. And after a bit of training, I became a great runner! Ok, that was a joke. I eventually got up to running three miles at a time, and I still hated each second with every fiber of my being. So I stopped. The end. I still count it as a victory, though. I tried it and I didn’t like it. But I get a gold star sticker for effort! I immediately got back to hiking. Same trails, slower pace, no wishing for death.

I also decided to face my oldest, deepest fear: public speaking. For the first time in my life, when someone asked me to be a keynote speaker, I said yes. I said yes! And you know what? The worst thing that I thought could happen…it did happen.

In the middle of my speech, I got a frog in my throat and I had to stand there, coughing in front of the whole room, my eyes watering so much I couldn’t see my notes. It was awful. I gulped water. I sniffed. I coughed directly into the microphone. It was a disaster. My voice would not come back. So after a few more fortifying gulps of water, I just forced my throat to rasp out the last few minutes of the speech. I’m not sure if anyone could even understand my words. But I finished, and then I waved and got the hell off the platform. And you know what? The next time I spoke, it was easy as pie! I’d already faced the terror of screwing up, and I wasn’t shunned or mocked or anything! People were still nice to me. They liked the parts of my speech they heard. I did it. (And next time I’m feeling a little scratchy, I will take a shot of whisky to the podium with me to clear my throat.)

As for other new things I tried, I’ll address them in upcoming posts. One was rock climbing. And one was writing in a whole new genre.

Next time: how I decided to try stepping out of romance. And just how long I fought it.

Meanwhile, I’d love to hear about the big fears you’ve chosen to face! Please tell your story in the comments!

-Victoria

Reading Group Questions for EVELYN, AFTER

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A few ideas for discussion questions on Evelyn, After. Feel free to add your own ideas in the comments.

1. What was the inciting moment for the Before and After sections? Why was this the moment that divides Evelyn’s journey?

2. What do you think of Evelyn’s choice not to contact the police when she learned about the accident? Is there always a clear choice between right and wrong?

3. Evelyn told herself she was behaving logically throughout the story. Was she? Can instincts and emotions be trusted during trauma?

4. Was Evelyn’s relationship with Noah crucial to her finding her own strength or detrimental to her journey?

5. Early in the story, Evelyn decided she would try to forgive her husband. At the same time, she convinced herself that Juliette was pure evil. Why is it so easy to demonize the “home wrecker” vs. the spouse who promised fidelity?

6. There are several big confessions in this book. Is revealing a misdeed always a good idea? Does the truth always help, or is it sometimes a way of assuaging guilt?

7. After years of being a dedicated wife, Evelyn believes her husband’s betrayal means she can do anything she wants. Is cheating ever justified?

8. Gary eventually confessed a role in the hit-and-run to the police. Was this justice?

9. Could Evelyn have remained in her marriage and still found strength and independence in the end?

10. Was Evelyn, After a love story?